Although I want to get married and have children, like all women, I am very hesitant to go ahead and do that. I have had offers, but I am worried that ifI agree to marry someone, he will turn out to be not of good character, and I do not know what will happen to me after that.
I hope that you can advise me about my problem.
Praise be to Allaah.
What is prescribed for young people – both male and female – is to hasten to get married, following the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, and whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065), Muslim (1400).
This will also protect their chastity and bring stability.
Our advice to you is to accept the one who is religiously committed and of good character, after praying for guidance (istikhaarah) and consulting others. That is because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him.” (al-Tirmidhi, 1084), from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Those who are religiously committed and of good character are not unknown; they have their characteristics and signs, such as adherence to the Sunnah, regularly offering prayers in congregation, keeping company with righteous people and keeping away from temptation and evil.
Beware of hesitating and refusing too much, because if one goes away today, you may not see another like him tomorrow, as the poet says:
I had made the most the most of the opportunities I had, I would have attained great things.
If a suitor comes to you, then pray istikhaarah first. You will find a description of istikhaarah in the answer to question no. 2217.
If there is any good for you in that, Allaah will make it easy for you, otherwise Allaah will divert it from you by His knowledge.
Then your family should try to find out about the suitor by asking those who know him, such as his neighbours, colleagues at work, and the imam of his mosque. If he is righteous, regularly offers prayers in congregation and treats others well, then accept his proposal and be resolved and do not hesitate. If there is good in that for you, then Allaah will make it easy for you, otherwise He will divert it from you
whether he is righteous, regularly offers prayers in congregation and treats others well.
It is also important to ask about the family of the suitor, for his mother may not be of good character, or there may be some deviance in his family which does not give hope for a decent life for you.
If Allaah sends you someone who appears to be of good character and is keen to follow his religion, and is serious about marriage and is qualified for it, then accept his proposal and be resolute and do not hesitate. As the poet Tarafah ibn al-‘Abd said:
If you have made a decision then be resolute, for hesitating makes any decision worthless.
We ask Allaah to guide you and make you steadfast.
And Allaah knows best.