Thursday 30 June 2011

Is it permissible for a Muslim woman to ask a Muslim man to marry her?

Is it permissible for a Muslim woman to ask a Muslim man to marry her?
Can a Muslim woman ask a Muslim man to marry her? Does the  adeeth also refer to a woman asking a man?


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.


(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).


 

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

We are happy to congratulate you on choosing the path of the
Prophets and of the wise, which is Tawheed, the belief in Allaah alone, and
the testimony that Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
is His Messenger. 

With regard to the idea
of a Muslim woman offering herself in marriage to a righteous man, that does
not contradict the idea of modesty, so long as he is trustworthy with regard
to his religious commitment and moral attitude. It was narrated that Thaabit
al Banaani said: I was with Anas ibn Maalik and a daughter of his was with
him. He said: “A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) and offered herself in marriage to him. She
said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, do you want to marry me?’” The daughter of
Anas said: “How little was her modesty. How shameless, how shameless!” Anas
said: “She was better than you; she had a liking for the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) so she offered herself in marriage to
him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4828. 

Imam al-Bukhaari included this hadeeth in a chapter which he
entitled: “A woman offering herself in marriage to a righteous man.” 

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said: 

Ibn al-Munayyir said in al-Haashiyah: One of the
subtle points of al-Bukhaari’s knowledge is that he from the specific story
of the woman who offered herself in marriage to the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) he derived a general principle; he
understood that it is permissible for any woman to offer herself in marriage
to a righteous man whose righteousness she admires, and if he likes her he
may marry her subject to the conditions of marriage being fulfilled. 

These two ahaadeeth – the
hadeeth of Sahl and the hadeeth of Anas, both of which mention the woman who
offered herself in marriage to the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) – indicate that it is permissible for a woman to offer
herself in marriage to a man, and to let him know that she has a liking for
him, and there is nothing wrong with her doing so. And the one to whom a
woman offers herself in marriage has the choice of either accepting or
refusing, but he does not have to express his refusal outright, rather it is
sufficient for him to remain silent. 

Fath al-Baari, 9/175. 

Al-‘Ayni said: 

The words of Anas to his
daughter: “She is better than you” indicate that it is permissible for a
woman to offer herself in marriage to a righteous man, and to tell him of
her liking for him because of his righteousness and virtue, or because of
his knowledge and honour, or for some characteristic of religious
commitment, and that there is no shame on her if she does that, rather that
is a sign of her virtue. The daughter of Anas (may Allaah be pleased with
him) looked at the externals and she did not understand this properly until
Anas said: “She is better than you.” As for the woman who offers herself in
marriage to a man for some worldly purpose, this is something that is
abhorrent in the extreme. 

‘Umdat al-Qaari’ Sharh Saheeh al-Bukhaari,
20/113. 

But it is better for a woman to inform her wali (guardian) of
her desire to marry a righteous man who is trustworthy with regard to his
religious commitment and his moral attitude, without telling the man
bluntly. This may be understood from what one of the two women did, when she
said to her father – concerning Moosa (peace be upon him):  

“And said one of them
(the two women): ‘O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to
hire is the strong, the trustworthy’”

[al-Qasas 28:26 – interpretation of the meaning] 

al-Qurtubi said: 

With regard to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“He said: ‘I intend to wed one of these two daughters of
mine to you, on condition that you serve me for eight years…’”

[al-Qasas 28:27] 

Here the father
offered his daughter in marriage to the man. This is an established custom
whereby the righteous man of Madyan offered his daughter in marriage to a
righteous man of the Children of Israel, ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab offered his
daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan, and the woman who
offered herself in marriage offered herself to the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). So it is good for a man to offer his
female relative who is under his care in marriage, and for a woman to offer
herself in marriage to a righteous man, following the example of the
righteous salaf. Ibn ‘Umar said: When Hafsah became single (due to her
husband dying), ‘Umar said to ‘Uthmaan: “If you wish, I will marry Hafsah
bint ‘Umar to you.” This was narrated only by al-Bukhaari, 4005. 

Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 13/271 

But it should be noted that most of what happens nowadays,
when a woman likes a particular man, is the result of haraam causes, such as
a careless attitude on her part whereby she talks to him and sits with him.
A person who has evil motives may take advantage of such an offer to achieve
some of his aims. So we must beware of this and protect our honour from
anything that may besmirch it. 

And Allaah knows best.

She has received a marriage proposal from someone who drinks alcohol

She has received a marriage proposal from someone who drinks alcohol
Is it sinful to accept a proposal for marriage from a Muslim man who consumes alcohol on a social basis. I detest alcohol and think it is the root of all evil, but I have been approached with this proposal, but am hesitant because of this issue. Please advise.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood answered this
question for us and said:

It is better not to marry him, but if she does marry him, that is
permissible.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood

Picture of Internet fiancée

 

Picture of Internet fiancée
is it permissible for a woman to send her picture via the internet to her fiancé far away so that he can be certain as to whether
he wants to go ahead and marry her, or not?

 

Praise be to Allaah.

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen:
is it permissible for a woman to send her picture via the internet to her fiancé far away
so that he can be certain as to whether he wants to go ahead and marry her, or not?

He replied, may Allah preserve him,

“I do not think that this is right.

Firstly, because other people besides him may also look at it.

Secondly, because a picture does not reflect reality completely. How
often have people seen pictures then when they see the person or scene in real life they
find that it is completely different.

Thirdly, the fiancé may keep this picture, then change his mind about
marrying her, but he still has the picture and can play about with it as he wishes.

And Allaah knows best.”

Ruling on engaged couple touching one another etc.

Ruling on engaged couple touching one another etc.
i searched through all the relevent sections but i could not find the answer for my question.so i am asking it here.

 

i was engaged to my present wife. and during the engagement period (before Nikah) we used to meet and touch and kiss and fondle with each other.. etc . but we never committed an intercourse. and later on we married. now i came accross the ayat of sura Noor for which some scholars say that a couple who had committed Zinna with each other, then they can not marry each other.

another related question is that in some parts of pakistan people use to renew their marraige contract (Nikah) without any sharee requirement. Is it permissible to renew ones Nikah if the earlier nikah is still valid.

 

Praise be to Allaah. 

The marriage contract is valid and it is no need from
an Islamic point of view to renew it simply because of a doubt. But
what is mentioned in the first part of the question, about kissing the
woman during the engagement period – if this was before the marriage
contract (‘aqd or nikaah), then it is haraam. The same applies to being
stimulated manually by the woman. But if it was after the marriage contract
then there is nothing wrong with kissing. With regard to adulterers
marrying one another, there is nothing wrong with that, after waiting
out an ‘iddah period and after both parties have repented. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): “Women impure are for men impure…
and women of purity are for men of purity…” [al-Noor 24:26  - Yoosuf
‘Ali’ translation of the meaning]. Repentance is essential on the
part of both, but it is not permissible to conclude the marriage contract
until after the waiting-period and making sure that the woman is not
pregnant as a result of zinaa. Once that has been established, there
is no reason why they should not marry one another.

 In your case, as you describe it in
the question, there is no need to repeat the marriage contract, but
you must both repent to Allaah for the forbidden relationship which
you engaged in before you were married. And Allaah knows best.

Seeing a number of women for the purpose of marriage

Seeing
a number of women for the purpose of marriage
I
would like to know if we are allow to see many women for the purpose of
marriage or do we have to see them one by one I mean if it's not OK with
the first one only I can go to see the second one.

 

Praise be to Allaah. 

Looking at the woman
to whom one wants to propose marriage has only been made permissible because
of necessity, to be certain and put one’s mind at rest, and in order to follow
the Sunnah, as mentioned in the hadeeth of al-Mugheerah and others. But four
necessary conditions apply:

 The first
is that one should be serious about marriage; the second is that the man and
woman should not be alone; the third is that there should be no fear of fitnah
(temptation); and the fourth is that it should not go beyond the limits set
by sharee’ah, i.e., looking at what usually appears, which is what she shows
to her father, brother and other mahrams. See Question #2572.
On this basis, a man should not look at any woman except the one whom he seriously
wants to marry. If he is pleased with her, (he should proceed with marriage),
otherwise he should move on to another. And Allaah knows best.

 

Shaykh al-Waleed al-Faryaan



 

He is afraid that he will offend his friend if he proposes to his sister

He is afraid that he will offend his friend if he proposes to his sister
I am studying at University, and coming to the end of my degree next year, Inshallah! I have know a brother for a few years now, and we have know to love each for the sake of Allah (SWT). The brother has a sister, and I wish to propose to his sister for marriage, yet what is the Islamic ettiquette for proposing to this brother for his sister's hand in marriage, as he is his sister's walee?? I feel that he may be offended or angry, as she is precious to him?

 

Praise be to Allaah. 

There is no
particular etiquette prescribed in sharee’ah for proposing marriage
apart from the traditions and etiquette that are known in all lands, so
long as they are in accordance with the sharee’ah.

 

You want to marry your friend’s
sister, but you do not know how he will react and are afraid that he may
be angry, but you do not mention any reasons why he may be angry.

 Is it
only because he loves his sister and she is dear to him? This is not an
obstacle, for the one whose sister or daughter is dear to him will look
for a good match for her, and this is a part of his sincerity towards her.

 If it is
a different matter, such as traditions or pragmatic issues, then we cannot
advise you without knowing what they are.

 You
could consult with a knowledgeable person from your friend’s country who
knows you and him, and who could advise you.

 Or you
could approach your friend in an indirect manner, such as telling him that
you want to get married and ask him who could offer you advice about women
or ask him to tell you who knows about the Muslim women. Perhaps then you
would see something of how he feels about this matter. Or you could tell
him that you love him for the sake of Allaah, and explain your wishes by
saying that this love could be strengthened and the tie made more lasting
if you were to become brothers-in-law. So you could say, for example, “I
wish I had a sister whom you could marry, or you had a (female) relative
whom I could marry, so that we could always keep in touch.” Then wait
and see his reaction; then you will know whether to take the matter
further or not. If you are afraid of his reaction, you could ask someone
else to bring up this topic, so as to spare yourself any embarrassment.
And remember that du’aa’ is one of the most important means of
achieving desired results. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

She wants to go out with her fiance to make sure about him so that there will not be a disaster

She wants to go out with
her fiance to make sure about him so that there will not be a disaster
i have a question thats bothering me alot for a while now..and i recently got divorce about a year now and i have no kids, its been a year now. my question is since i didnt' knew the guy before i got married and i got married to hum coz my parents thought he was nice for me..now since it happened with me i thought it would be nice if i know somebody before i get married not in a sense of dating but just talking and knowing whether he is a right person or wrong.. the point is i dont' want to hurt myself or end uplike this again so my question is does islam allows a girl to pick the guy and marriage i want some information regarding this.. i would appreciate your help

 

Praise be to Allaah. 

Islam
has prescribed asking the father’s permission when one wants to marry
his daughter, whether she is a virgin or has previously been married.

 It
is the girl’s right to have sufficient information about the person who
wants to marry her. This may be achieved by enquiring about him through
various channels, such as asking some of her relatives to ask his friends
and those who know him well about him, because they may know a lot about
his good and bad points which other people would not know about.

 But
it is not permissible for her under any circumstances to be alone with him
(khulwah) before marriage, or to take off her hijaab in front
of him. It is well known that in such meetings the man does not show his
true nature, but rather he is on his best behaviour and tries to make a
good impression. Even if she were to be alone with him or to go out with
him, he will not show her  his
true character. Many of those who go out with a fiancé in this sinful
manner end up in tragedy and these sinful steps, whether they were taken
in private or in public, do not bring any benefits.

 Often
the fiancé will use sweet words and play with the emotions of his fiancée
when he goes out with her, and he shows her his best side, but when she
makes enquiries about him and tries to find out more about him, she will
discover something entirely different. So going out with him or being
alone with him does not solve the problem. Even if for the sake of
argument we were to say that it does serve some purpose in finding out
about the man's character, the resulting sin and possibility of leading to
bad consequences is far greater than that (potential benefit). This is why
Islam forbids being alone with a strange (non-mahram) man – and the
fiancé is still a stranger – or taking off one’s hijaab in front of
him.

 We
should not forget another important matter, which is that after the
marriage ceremony (nikaah) and before the wedding night (when the marriage
is celebrated and consummated), the woman has ample opportunity to get to
know the man's character up close and to make sure about him, because now
it is permissible for her to be alone with him and to go out with him, so
long as the marriage contract has been concluded. If she discovers 
something bad that she really cannot put up with, then she can ask
him for Khul’ (divorce). But usually the outcome is not so bad, so long
as one has made enquiries about the person and found out about him in a
proper fashion before the nikaah.

 We
ask Allaah to choose what is best for you and to make things easy for you
wherever you are. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Her parents do not want her to be alone with her husband until after the waleemah (wedding party)

Her parents do not
want her to be alone with her husband until after the waleemah (wedding party)
Salam,
I just recently had my Nikkah this past June. But the actual Rukhsati
(giving away of the bride) will not take place until March because my husband is studying
in a different state.
When he comes and visits my parents get very upset if I spend too much
time with him. They say it is inappropriate. They are constantly watching what we do. They
get upset if I go out with him and come home late. My question is, What does Islam have to
say about parent's interfering in their child's marriage? I respect my parents but yet
they do not seem to repect my privacy? Am I being unreasonable? Any information that you
can give on this matter will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man has completed the marriage contract (‘aqd nikaah) with a
woman according to Islamic law, everything is permissible for him, he may look at her, be
alone with her, enjoy physical contact with her, and so on, but his wife is not obliged to
obey him and he is not obliged to spend on her until she submits herself to him, which
according to the customs of most people nowadays happens after the waleemah or wedding
party. Some mothers and fathers do not like their daughter to be alone with her husband
between the ‘aqd (nikaah) and waleemah because they are afraid of some problem
arising that may cause the break up of the marriage, and their daughter may then no longer
be a virgin, or she may become pregnant, and if the waleemah is delayed her pregnancy will
be obvious to people, or other situations which may cause embarrassment to the parents.
Parents may have concerns of which their children may not be aware, and which a daughter
may not see as important because she is so excited and happy about her new husband.
Although it is permissible for the couple to enjoy physical contact after the nikaah is
completed – even before the waleemah – they should respect their parents’
wishes and pay attention to their concerns. The husband should also understand their
concerns and should remain content with family visits until things settle down, i.e.,
after the waleemah. We ask Allaah to hasten for you the good things that you want. And
Allaah is the Source of help.

Limits of looking at one’s fiancée and the ruling on touching her and being alone with her. Is her permission a condition of being allowed to look at her?

Limits of looking at one’s fiancée and the ruling on touching her and being alone
with her. Is her permission a condition of being allowed to look at her?
I read the hadiths about the prophet peace
be upon him allowing the man to see the woman before deciding whether to marry her or not.
My questions is, what exactelly is the person allowed to see exactelly?
Is he allowed to see her hair (entire head) ?

 

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam commands us to lower our gaze and forbids looking at non-mahram
women. This is in order to purify people’s souls and protect their honour. There are,
however, certain exceptions in which it is permissible to look at a non-mahram woman for
reasons of necessity, one of which is in the case of proposing marriage, because it is the
basis on which a very important decision affecting a person’s life will be taken.
There are texts which indicate that it is permissible to look at one’s fiancée, as
follows:

From Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah: “The Messenger of Allaah
(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you proposes marriage to a
woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry
her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide
where I could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so
I did so.’” According to another report he said, ‘a young woman of Bani
Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and
marry her, so I did so.” (Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1832, 1834)

From Abu Hurayrah: “I was with the Prophet
(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the
Ansaar. The Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him,
‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and look at her,
for there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar.” (Reported by Muslim, no.
1424; and by al-Daaraqutni, 3/253 (34))

From al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah: “I proposed marriage to a
woman, and the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
‘Have you seen her?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Look at her, because
it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.’”
According to another report: “So he did that, and he married her and mentioned that
they got along.” (Reported by al-Daaraqutni, 3/252 (31, 32); Ibn Maajah,
1/574)

From Sahl ibn Sa’d (may Allaah be pleased with him): “A woman
came to the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said:
“O Messenger of Allaah, I have come to give myself to you (in marriage).” The
Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) looked at her closely,
then he lowered his head. When the woman saw that he had not made a decision about her,
she sat down. One of his Companions stood up and said, O Messenger of Allaah, if you do
not want her, then marry her to me…’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari,
7/19; Muslim, 4/143; al-Nisaa’i, 6/113 bi Sharh al-Suyooti; al-Bayhaqi, 7/84)

The sayings of the scholars on the extent to which
one may look at one’s fiancée

Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If he wants
to marry a woman, he is not allowed to see her without a headcover. He may look at her
face and hands when she is covered, with or without her permission. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): ‘… and not to show off their adornment
except only that which is apparent…’ [al-Noor 24:31]. He said: ‘The
face and hands.’” (al-Haawi al-Kabeer, 9/34).

Imaam al-Nawawi said in Rawdat al-Taalibeen wa
‘Umdat al-Mufteen (7, 19-20): “When (a man) wants to marry (a woman), it is
preferable (mustahabb) for him to look at her so that he will have no regrets.
According to another view, it is not preferable but it is allowed. The first view is
correct because of the ahaadeeth, and it is permitted to look repeatedly, with or without
her permission. If it is not easy to look at her, he may send a woman to check her out and
describe her to him. A woman may also look at a man if she wants to marry him, for she
will like in him what he likes in her. What is permissible for him to look at is the face
and hands, front and back. He should not look at anything else.”

Abu Haneefah permitted looking at the feet as well as the face and
hands. (Bidaayah al-Mujtahid wa Nihayyat al-Muqtasid, 3/10)

“It is permissible to look at the face, hands and
feet, and no more than that.” Ibn Rushd also quoted it as above.

Among the reports from the madhhab of Imaam Maalik:

He may look at the face and hands only.

He may look at the face, hands and forearms only.

A number of reports were narrated from Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have
mercy on him), one of which says that he may look at the face and forearms.

The second says that he may look at what usually appears such as the
neck, calves and so on.

This was quoted by Ibn Qudaamah in al-Mughni (7/454), Imaam Ibn
al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah in Tahdheeb al-Sunan (3/25-26), and al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar in Fath
al-Baari (11/78)… The reliable opinion in the books of the Hanbalis is the second
opinion.

From the above, it is clear that the majority of scholars say that a
man is allowed to look at his fiancée’s face and hands, because the face indicates
beauty or ugliness, and the hands indicate the slimness or plumpness (literally,
‘fertility’) of the body.

Abu’l-Faraj al-Maqdisi said: “There is no dispute among the
scholars that he is permitted to look at the face.. the focus of beauty and the place at
which one looks.”

Ruling on touching one’s fiancée or being alone with her

Al-Zayla’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “It is not
permissible for him to touch her face or hands – even if is sure that this will not
provoke desire – because she is still haraam for him, and there is no need for him to
do so.” In Durar al-Bihaar it says: “It is not permitted for the qaadi,
the witnesses or the fiancé to touch her, even if they are sure that this will not
provoke desire, because there is no need for that…” (Radd al-Muhtaar
‘ala’l-Durr al-Mukhtaar, 5/237)

Ibn Qudaamah said: “It is not permitted for him to
be alone with her, because she is forbidden and Islam only allows him to look, thus
khulwah (being alone with her) remains forbidden, and because there is no certainty that
nothing forbidden will take place if he is alone with her, as the Prophet
(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘No man is alone with a woman, but the
Shaytaan is the third one present.’ He should not look at her in a lustful or
suspicious manner. Ahmad said, in a report narrated by Saalih, ‘He may look at the
face, but not in a lustful manner.’ He may look repeatedly, and examine her beauty,
because the aim cannot be achieved in any other way.”

The fiancée’s permission to look

A man is permitted to look at the woman to whom he wishes to propose
marriage, even without her permission or knowledge. This is what is indicated by the
saheeh ahaadeeth.

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari (9/157): “The
majority of scholars said: he is permitted to look at her if he wishes without her
permission.”

The hadeeth scholar Shaykh Muhammad Naasir al-Deen al-Albaani said in al-Silsilat
al-Saheehah (1/156), supporting this view: “Similar evidence is seen in the words
of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the hadeeth, ‘Even if
she does not know.’ This is supported by the actions of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be
pleased with them), in accordance with the Sunnah, such as Muhammad ibn Muslimah and
Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah, both of whom hid so as to see of their fiancées that which
would encourage them to go ahead and marry them…”

Note:

Shaykh al-Albaani also said (op.cit., p. 156):

“From Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him)”
‘The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) wanted to marry a woman, so
he sent another woman to look at her and said, “Smell her mouth (front teeth) and
look at the back of her ankles.”

(Reported by al-Haakim, 2/166, who said it is saheeh according to the
conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. Also reported by al-Bayhaqi, 7/87.
In Majma’ al-Zawaa’id (4/507) he said, ‘”Reported by Ahmad and
al-Bazzaar, and the men of al-Bazzaar are thiqaat.”)

In Mughni al-Muhtaaj (2/128) it says: “What
we understand from this report is that the one who is sent may describe to the one who
sends her more than that which he himself may see, so this sending achieves more than just
looking.”

And Allaah knows best.

Can a woman uncover her hair in front of her fiancé before the nikaah?

Can a woman uncover her hair in front of her fiancé before the nikaah?
Is it permissible for a female to display her hair infront of her fiance
before the Niqah?

 

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man has seen enough of his fiancée, within the limits set
by Islam, to enable him to decide whether to go ahead with the marriage or not,
then it is not permissible for her to uncover any part of her body in front
of him until after the nikaah. (See also question #2246
and #2572). And Allaah knows best.

- Marrying a man with a bad past

Marrying a man with a bad past
In the Name Of God Most Gracious and
Merciful.

Salam elkum.

First I would really like to commend you on the substantial information
you have provided to the public. May God reward you all on your efforts. I do realize that
every single question cannot be answered directly. However, I have done a lot of research
on this matter and still I have come up with no answers to my question. What makes it even
more difficult is the lack of knowledge of Islam from my parents perspective. I was born
in Canada and one of the very few young teenage girls fighting to learn more about Islam.
Unfortunatly, there is still a lot I do not know about our religion, yet I work at it
every day.

Getting down to my problem, I am 19 years old and just got engaged to a Lebanese Muslim fellow. After getting engaged to this person I found
out that in the past he has been with other girls and intimate relationships, before
marriage. Of course, I realize that in our religon that is very wrong. Now I am left with
the decision of whether to go ahead and get married to this person or not. I personally
think that I shouldn't be with a person who has done such things while my family says
forgive and forget... However, I would like your opinion on this matter. Is it ideal and
acceptable for someone like myself to marry a person of this nature even if it was his
past.

Thank you so much for your time . I would appreciate it if you had a
chance to reply it would fill up so many unanswered questions but of course I fully
understand if you cannot do so .

It is very difficult for me to learn more about Islam sometimes books
don't fully answer my questions. Thanks again kindly for your time .

 

Praise be to Allaah.

First of all, may Allaah reward you with good for your kind words. We
apologize for not answering questions in full. With regard to your question about this man
who has asked for your hand in marriage, what you should concentrate on is the way he is
now: is he doing his religious duties, like the five daily prayers, etc., is he keeping
away from haraam things, has he repented for what he did in the past? Or not? If he is
keeping his duty towards Allaah, then this is the good commitment to religion that is
required according to the command of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him): “If there comes to you with an offer of marriage (for your daughter,
sister, etc.) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then
marry (your daughter, sister, etc, to) him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief on
earth and widespread corruption.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1004; classed as
hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 270)

It is not permitted to bring up the past of a person who
regrets it and has repented and given up his sin; rather, this should be covered up.
“Whoever covers up his Muslim brother in this world, Allaah will cover him up in the
Hereafter.” (A saheeh hadeeth reported by Imaam Ahmad; Saheeh
al-Jaami’, 6287)

But if a person is immoral and corrupt, and still has
relationships from before, then you should never, ever agree to marry him. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): “The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a
mushrikah. And the woman who agrees to marry a mushrik or an adulterer, then she is either
a prostitute or a mushrikah. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” [al-Noor
24:3]

Ibn Katheer said, commenting on the phrase Such a thing is forbidden
to the believers: “i.e., (it is forbidden for) a man to marry an immoral woman,
or for a chaste woman to marry an immoral man. Hence Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said that the
marriage contract between a chaste man and an immoral woman is invalid, so long as she
remains like this, unless she is asked to repent and she does so, in which case the
contract becomes valid, otherwise it is not valid. Similarly, the marriage of a free,
chaste woman to a promiscuous, immoral man is invalid unless he repents sincerely, because
Allaah says Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.”

There is no secret about the mischief, misery and problems that result
from marriage to an immoral man.

In many cases it is very difficult to get a true picture of a person
and be sure about whether he is chaste or otherwise. But by researching, asking questions,
consulting people and asking them for advice, whilst taking one’s time and asking
Allaah for help, one can get answers. We ask Allaah to choose the best for you, to help
you and to guide you. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Does she have the right to annul an engagement which has gone on for a long time?

Does she have the right to annul an engagement which has gone on for a long time?
Is it permissible for a man or a woman to annul an engagement that has lasted for a long time? 


There is a girl who got engaged and she went out with her fiancé and exchanged many letters with him. I advised her not to do that because Islam forbids it, but she did not pay any heed. Then she surprised everyone by canceling the engagement but she did not give any reason. Is it permissible for her to do that?.


 

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

Firstly: 

A woman should choose a righteous man for her husband; it is
not permissible for a guardian to reject a man who is religiously committed
and of good character, if he comes seeking marriage to a female relative
under his care. 

For more details on the qualities of a righteous husband,
please see the answer to question no. 5202 and
6942. 

A man must also make a good choice of a wife. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised men to marry women
who are religiously committed, for a righteous woman will protect a man’s
house, wealth and children. 

For more details on the qualities of a righteous wife, please
see the answers to questions no. 26744 and
10376. 

Secondly: 

Engagement is no more than a promise to marry. The fiancé is
still a non-mahram to his fiancée and it is not permissible for him to be
alone with her, shake hands with her or go out with her. 

This young woman and this young man have to repent to Allaah
for the sins that they have committed. What happened is not surprising,
because both of them got engaged without adhering to the Islamic rulings. 

Thirdly: 

With regard to her canceling the engagement, it says in
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (18/69): An engagement between a man and
woman is not equivalent to a marriage contract. Either the man or the woman
may cancel the engagement if they think it is better to do so, whether the
other party agrees or not. 

Finally: 

The sister should note the danger of corresponding and
conversing with the opposite sex, because this may lead to many negative
consequences. The internet is full of stories of women who were careless
about such matters to the extent that they lost their honour, and women who
did such things because they thought it was just for fun or that they would
be able to protect themselves, but they quickly fell into the wolf’s lair. 

We have explained the ruling on correspondence between the
sexes in the answers to questions no. 34841,
26890 and
23349. 

And Allaah knows best.

The hadeeth: “Conceal the engagement and proclaim the marriage”

The hadeeth: “Conceal the engagement and proclaim the marriage”
Is it forbidden for muslims to declare the engagement (alkhotoba)? If yes, who are the people supposed to know about the engagement?


Are Close friends allowed to know about it??.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

This hadeeth was narrated by al-Daylami in Musnad
al-Firdaws, where it says: “Announce the marriage and conceal the
engagement.” This is a da’eef (weak) hadeeth which was classed as such by
al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah
(2494), and in Da’eef al-Jaami’ al-Sagheer, 922. 

But the first part of it is saheeh with the word “proclaim.”

Ahmad narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “Proclaim marriages.” This hadeeth was classed as hasan by
al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1993. 

Proclaiming marriages, in the sense of announcing them and
publicizing them, is obligatory according to the majority of scholars,
indeed it is one of the conditions of a marriage being valid, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no
marriage except with a wali (guardian) and two witnesses of good character.”
Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7557. 

Some scholars regarded it as mustahabb to conceal the
engagement for fear of hasad (destructive envy) which could lead to trouble
between the man and the family of his fiancée, as stated in Haashiyat
al-‘Adawi ‘ala Sharh Mukhtasar Khaleel, 3/167. 

This is supported by the words of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Seek help in meeting your needs by
keeping quiet, for everyone who is blessed is envied.” Narrated by
al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’,
943. 

This does not apply only to engagement, rather a person
should not show openly the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon him to
one who will envy him for that. 

With regard to holding engagement parties, this is something
that many people do, and there is nothing wrong with that in sha Allaah. But
it should be noted that we must adhere to the limits set by sharee’ah in
these parties, so there should be no free mixing of men and women, or use of
musical instruments apart from the daff, because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) allowed use of the daff in wedding
parties. 

And Allaah knows best.

A woman asking about the religious commitment of one who comes to propose marriage to her is not making things difficult

A woman asking about the religious commitment of one who comes to propose marriage to her is not making things difficult
I am a religiously-committed young woman, praise be to Allaah. I am 25 years old. The problem is that every time someone comes to propose marriage to me, I ask my mother to ask his family some questions, like Does he pray? Does he smoke? Is he one of those who are interested in music and TV? Because those who come to propose to me are not religiously-committed. My mother says to me, “You are making it difficult.” She is afraid that I will miss out on marriage because of my stipulating conditions.


 Am I wrong? What do you advise me to do? I am afraid that I am dreaming of a righteous man when there are no such men. And Allaah knows best.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

You are not wrong and you are not making things difficult,
rather you are doing well to ask about the religious commitment and
character of these suitors. This is what your family should in fact be
doing; it is not permissible for them to object to your doing that, rather
they should support you in it. 

Islam enjoined making a good choice of husband and wife. The
common factor in choosing is good character and religious commitment. A
woman is too weak to be steadfast in her religious commitment if she marries
someone who is lacking in character and religious commitment 

Hence our advice to your family is to support you in this
matter. Seek the help of Allaah with patience, prayer and du’aa’, and we ask
Allaah to bless you with a righteous husband. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have
mercy on him) was asked about the most important qualities for which a girl
should choose her husband. 

He replied: 

The most important qualities for which a woman should choose
a man who proposes marriage are a good character and religious commitment.
As for wealth and lineage, these are secondary matters. The most important
thing is that the suitor should be religiously-committed and of good
character, because the woman will not lose out with one who is
religiously-committed and of good character: if he keeps her, he will keep
her in a good and proper manner and if he lets her go, he will let her go
with kindness. Moreover, a man who is religiously-committed and of good
character will be a blessing to her and her children; she will learn morals
and religious knowledge from him. But if he is other than that, then she
must keep away from him, especially those who take the matter of praying
lightly, or who are known to drink alcohol – Allaah forbid. As for those who
do not pray at all, they are kaafirs and it is not permissible for them to
marry believing women. The point is that the woman should focus on character
and religious commitment. As for good lineage, this is preferable, because
the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If
there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are
pleased, then give (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him
in marriage…” But if there is social compatibility too, that is preferable. 

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah,
2/702 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn
Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was also asked about a
man who proposed marriage to another man’s daughter. When he asked about
him, he found out that he did not pray, and the one who was asked about
responded by saying: “Allaah may guide him.” Should they go ahead with this
marriage? 

He replied: 

If the one who is proposing marriage does not pray in
congregation, then he is an evildoer who is disobeying Allaah and His
Messenger, and going against the Muslim consensus, which is that offering
prayer in congregation is one of the best of acts of worship. Shaykh
al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’
al-Fataawa (23/222): The scholars are agreed that it – i.e., praying in
congregation – is one of the most important and best of acts of worship, and
one of the greatest symbols of Islam. End quote. 

But this evildoing does not put him beyond the pale of Islam,
so it is permissible for him to marry a Muslim woman, but someone else who
adheres to Islam and is of an upright character would be better than him,
even if he is less wealthy and of a lesser lineage, as it says in the
hadeeth: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious
commitment you are pleased, then give (your daughter or female relative
under your care) to him in marriage.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah,
even if he falls short with regard to wealth and compatibility.” He said:
“If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you
are pleased, then give (your daughter or female relative under your care) to
him in marriage” three times. Narrated by al-Tirmidhi. And it is proven in
al-Saheehayn and elsewhere from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women may be
married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their
religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your
hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may your prosper).” 

These two ahaadeeth indicate that the best things to pay
attention to are religious commitment and good character in both the man and
the woman. The guardian who fears Allaah and understands his responsibility
is to pay attention to the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him, because he will be asked about that on the Day of
Resurrection. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And (remember) the Day (Allaah) will call to them, and
say: ‘What answer gave you to the Messengers?’”

[al-Qasas 28:65] 

“Then surely, We shall question those (people) to whom it
(the Book) was sent and verily, We shall question the Messengers”

[al-A’raaf 7:6] 

But if the one who is
proposing marriage does not pray at all, neither in congregation nor on his
own, then he is a kaafir who is beyond the pale of Islam. He should be asked
to repent, and if he repents and starts to pray, Allaah will accept his
repentance if his repentance is sincere and truly for the sake of Allaah.
Otherwise he should be executed as a kaafir and apostate, and he should not
be buried in the Muslim graveyard, and he should not be washed or shrouded,
or the funeral prayer offered for him. The evidence that he is a kaafir is
to be found in the Book of Allaah, may He be exalted, and in the Sunnah of
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) –
and he quoted the evidence concerning one who does not pray, then he said: 

As it is clear from the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah that
the one who not pray is a kaafir whose kufr puts him beyond the pale of
Islam, then it is not permissible for him to marry a Muslim woman, based on
the texts and on scholarly consensus. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they
believe (worship Allaah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is
better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you”

[al-Baqarah 2:221] 

And Allaah said concerning the women who migrated for the
sake of Allaah (al-muhajiraat) (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! When believing women come to you as
emigrants, examine them; Allaah knows best as to their Faith, then if you
ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the
disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the
disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:10] 

The Muslims are unanimously agreed on what is indicated by
these two texts, namely that it is haraam for a Muslim woman to marry a
kaafir. Based on this, if a man gives his daughter or other female relative
who is under his care in marriage to a man who does not pray, that marriage
is not valid, and the woman does not become permissible to the man by means
of that contract, because it is a contract which is not in accordance with
the command of Allaah, may He be exalted, and His Messenger. It is proven
from the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever does
an action that is not in accordance with this matter of ours will have it
rejected.” 

So the marriage is to be annulled if the husband does not
pray, unless he repents and comes back to Islam by starting to pray.  

To sum up: With regard to this suitor who does not pray, if
he does not pray in congregation then he is an evildoer who does not become
a kaafir thereby, so it is permissible to marry him in this case, but one
who is religiously committed and of good character is better than him. If he
does not pray at all, neither with the congregation nor on his own, then he
is a kaafir and apostate who is beyond the pale of Islam; it is not
permissible for him to marry a Muslim woman under any circumstances, unless
he repents sincerely and prays and adheres to Islam. 

With regard to what is mentioned in the question about the
woman’s father asking about him and the one who was asked about saying,
“Allaah may guide him,” the future is known to Allaah and control of it is
in His hand. We are responsible for what we know in the present, and what we
know about the suitor right now is that he is a kaafir and it is not
permissible for him to marry a Muslim woman. But we hope that Allaah will
guide him and bring him back to Islam, so that he will be able to marry
Muslim women; and that is not difficult for Allaah. 

Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen,
12/question no. 31 

Conclusion: You have to
be patient until Allaah blesses you with a righteous husband. What you are
doing by asking and finding out about the character and religious commitment
of suitors is something that is prescribed in Islam, in fact it is
obligatory for you and your guardians. If the suitor does not pray, then any
marriage contract is not valid, because not praying is kufr that puts one
beyond the pale of Islam. Smoking, shaving the beard and listening to music
are all haraam actions and they are legitimate reasons for refusing a suitor
if he does those things. 

We ask Allaah to guide you and make you steadfast in
obedience to Him, and to bless you with a righteous husband and good
children. 

And Allaah knows best.

Should he marry a girl who insists on going out wearing adornment (tabarruj) even though her character is good?

Should he marry a girl who insists on going out wearing adornment (tabarruj) even though her character is good?
I am a Muslim who is able to get married, and I have met a girl who has a good character but she goes out wearing adornment. What is the Islamic ruling if I marry her and she insists on going out wearing adornment?.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
encouraged us to marry women who are religiously committed. He said: “Women
may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty
and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed,
may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may your prosper).” Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“This world is transient comforts, and the best of the comforts of this
world is a righteous woman.” Narrated by Muslim, 1467. Whoever fails to find
a righteous wife misses out on the best of the comforts of this world, one
that is better than wealth, children and status, etc. 

This should motivate the Muslim to seek a wife who is
religiously committed and of good character, and to give such a woman
precedence over all others, and not to be heedless about the best of the
comforts of this world. 

A righteous woman is the one who pays attention to the rights
of Allaah and the rights of other people, and the person who has the
greatest rights over her is her husband. 

Persisting in sin is worse than the sin itself, because it is
indicative of weakness of faith and failure to respect Allaah, and it means
that the person is careless about things that may be detrimental to his
religious commitment. 

Secondly: 

As well as being an act of disobedience and sin, going out
wearing one’s adornment is also indicative of a woman’s bad attitude and
lack of modesty. How can a chaste and modest woman be content to have people
look at her and enjoy her beauty? 

But because of her weakness of faith and the strength of her
whims and desires, the woman who goes out wearing her adornment does not
realize how bad her action is, as Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):  

“and Shaytaan (Satan) made fair‑seeming to them that which
they used to do”

[al-An’aam 6:43] 

Many of those who used to
go out wearing their adornment, when Allaah blesses them with guidance,
become appalled at their former immodest ways. 

There are well known
reports which warn against tabarruj (wanton display of one's beauty and
adornments), such as the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him): “There are two types of the people of Hell whom I have
not seen: people with whips like the tails of cattle, with which they strike
the people, and women who are clothed yet naked, walking with an enticing
gait, with something on their heads that looks like the humps of camels,
leaning to one side. They will never enter Paradise or even smell its
fragrance, although its fragrance can be detected from such and such a
distance.” Narrated by Muslim, 2128. 

And he (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who perfumes herself then
passes by the people so that they can smell her fragrance is an adulteress.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4173; al-Tirmidhi, 2786; al-Nasaa’i, 5126; classed
as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i. 

If this sin is repeated,
it creates a black spot on the heart, until the whole heart is blackened, as
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If the
believer commits a sin, a black spot appears on his heart. If he repents,
gives it up and seeks forgiveness, his heart is cleansed, but if he does
more then (that spot) increases until it covers his heart. That is the raan
(covering of sin) which Allaah mentioned in the Qur’aan: 

“Nay! But on their
hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to
earn”

[al-Mutaffifeen 83:14] 

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi,
3334; Ibn Maajah, 4244; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Tirmidhi. 

You should note that
marriage to a woman who persists in going out wearing her adornment can only
mean one of two things: 

1 – That the husband has
given in to her, and is keeping quiet about her evil action, so he will
carry a burden of major sin in the Hereafter and shame in this world, for he
is a shepherd who is responsible for his flock. 

How can a wise man accept
to walk with his wife in the street when she is showing her adornment, and
the men around him are looking at her and enjoying the view?! 

2 – That he will stay
with her in a state of conflict and fighting and disagreement. This may be a
cause of distress and anguish which no wise man would accept. So err on the
side of caution, for there is nothing like being on the safe side. Look for
a wife who is religiously committed, for a righteous woman will be good for
you, praise be to Allaah. A righteous woman is the best of the comforts of
this world; she will help you to obey Allaah, remind you of what is right
and proper, guard herself and her husband’s wealth, and raise righteous
children for him who will worship Allaah. 

We ask Allaah to guide
you and give you strength. 

And Allaah knows best.

Can he propose to a woman whom his friend saw before and decided not to marry?

Can he propose to a woman whom his friend saw before and decided not to marry?
I am a young single man. Is it permissible for me to propose marriage to a woman to whom one of my friends proposed marriage and saw her, but then rejected her?


 If I propose to her and marry her, will my marriage contract be in accordance with Islamic sharee’ah, or will my marriage be faulty because my friend looked at her?.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

If this woman is of good character and is religiously
committed, there is nothing wrong with proposing marriage to her. Women may
be seen by more than one suitor before they get married to one of them. The
mere fact that your friend looked at her does not mean that you cannot marry
her. Even if she was married before, then she was divorced or her husband
died, which is more serious than looking, would anyone hesitate to say that
it is permissible to marry her? 

There are clear saheeh texts which speak of the matter about
which you are asking, such as the following: 

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
forbade outbidding one another, and no man should propose to a woman to whom
his brother has already proposed, unless the first suitor gives up the idea
or gives him permission to propose. 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4848; Muslim, 1412 

This hadeeth shows that it is haraam to propose to a woman to
whom someone else has already proposed, and that it is not permissible for
the second suitor to propose unless the first suitor withdraws his proposal
or gives permission to the second. This is what has happened with you and
your friend. 

If you are sure that she is of good character and religiously
committed, then you should pray istikhaarah, then propose to her. 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is best for you.  

And Allaah knows best.

She and her fiancé committed some bad deeds – will they be forgiven by getting married?

She and her fiancé committed some bad deeds – will they be forgiven by getting married?
Approximately one year ago I got married to a righteous young man, and now we have done the marriage contract. But before the contract he used to hold my hand and kiss me. I know that it is haraam according to sharee’ah. Will Allaah forgive me now that we have done the marriage contract or does the sin remain and do I have to ask for forgiveness and offer expiation?.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

Many people use the word “engagement” to refer to the period
following the marriage contract and before consummation of the marriage. If
this is what is referred to in the question, then there is no sin on you for
what happened between you, because simply by doing the marriage contract,
the woman becomes the wife of the man and there is no sin on either of them
for enjoying the other. 

But if what you mean by engagement is simply promising to get
married and agreeing to do so without doing the marriage contract, then what
happened between you is haraam. During this period Islam does not permit
anything more than looking so that both the man and woman can be sure that
they want to go ahead and get engaged. What you both have to do – in this
case – is to repent, seek forgiveness and regret these actions. The marriage
contract between you is not sufficient to expiate for these sins, rather you
have to repent and seek forgiveness. 

With regard to expiation, there is no specific expiation for
what has happened between you, but it is prescribed for the one who repents
to do a lot of righteous deeds such as offering naafil prayers, fasting,
giving charity and so on. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents,
believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does
righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his
death)”

[Ta-Ha 20:82] 

For more
information please see the answers to questions no.
3215,
12181,
2572 

And Allaah knows
best.

Islam Question and Answer - It is better to marry a non-relative or a relative?

It is better to marry a non-relative or a relative?
Is it better or preferable for a Muslim to marry someone he is not related to rather than a relative?".

 

Praise be to Allaah.

A number of scholars regarded it as mustahabb for a man to
marry a woman who is not related to him, and they gave a number of reasons
for that: 

1 – The child would have
good characteristics, because he would take characteristics from his
father’s side and his mother’s side. 

2 – There is no guarantee that they will not separate which
would lead to severing of the ties of kinship. 

It says in al-Insaaf (8/16): It is mustahabb to choose
a woman who is religiously committed and fertile, a virgin of good lineage
who is not a relative. End quote. 

It says in Mataalib Ooli al-Nuha (5/9): A
non-relative, because her children will have better characteristics, and
because there is no guarantee that they will not separate, which in the case
of marriage to a relative would lead to severing of the ties of kinship,
which we are enjoined to uphold. And it is said that non-relatives give
children with better characteristics and female cousins have more patience.
End quote. 

Al-Nawawi said in al-Manhaaj: It is mustahabb to
choose a religiously committed virgin who is of good lineage but is not a
close relative.” Al-Jalaal al-Mahalli said in his Sharh: “Not a close
relative” means a non-relative or a distant relative. The one who is
distantly related is better than one who is not related at all. End quote
from Sharh al-Mahalli ma’a Haashiyat Qalyoobi wa ‘Umayrah, 3/208. 

You can see that there is no text concerning this matter,
rather it is the ijtihaad of the fuqaha’ which they based on these
interests, which differ from one person to another, and from one type of
relationship to another. A man may decide to marry a relative so as to
protect her and honour her family, or she may be religiously committed and
of good character. 

The basic principle is that marriage is permissible. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Zaynab bint
Jahsh who was the daughter of his paternal aunt, and he gave his daughter
Zaynab in marriage to Abu’l-‘Aas who was the son of her maternal aunt, and
‘Ali married Faatimah, and he was the son of her father’s paternal uncle. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said,
after quoting the reasons that the fuqaha’ gave, of seeking good
characteristics in the children and the fear of severing the ties of
kinship: 

What they said is true, but if there is someone among the
relatives who is better in terms of other considerations (such as religious
commitment, lineage and beauty), then that is better. In the event that they
are equal in these terms, then a non-relative is better.  

So if a female cousin is religiously committed and of good
character, and he is in a weak position and needs kindness and support, then
undoubtedly such a marriage serves a great interest. A man should pay
attention to his interests in this case. There is no shar’i text concerning
this matter that has to be followed, hence a person should do what he thinks
is in his best interests. End quote from al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 5/123. 

The scholars of the
Standing Committee were asked about marrying relatives and whether that
causes retardation in the children.

 They replied: There are no saheeh ahaadeeth which forbid
marriage to relatives. The incidence of retardation happens by the will and
decree of Allaah and is not caused by marriage to relatives as is widely
believed. End quote.

 Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah,
18/13 

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

 

 

Islam Question and Answer - Delay of marriage and its connection to al-qada’ wa’l-qadar

Delay of marriage and its connection to al-qada’ wa’l-qadar
Does the delay of a girl’s marriage have anything to do with al-qada’ wa’l-qadar (the divine will and decree)? I am a girl who fears Allaah and I pray, but marriage has been delayed for me. Very few men have proposed marriage to me and all of them have faults, mostly in the area of religious commitment. I am asking: does the delay in marriage have any connection to the will and decree of Allaah or is it that I have committed a sin and Allaah is angry with me, although I fear Allaah greatly and Allaah has given me a share of beauty? I want to put my mind at rest by asking you.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

The Qur’aan and saheeh
Sunnah, and the consensus of the early generations of this ummah, indicate
that it is obligatory to believe in al-qadar (the divine decree), both good
and bad, and that this is one of the six basic principles of faith without
which a person’s faith is incomplete. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but it
is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz) before We bring it
into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allaah”

[al-Hadeed 57:22] 

“Verily, We have created all things with Qadar (Divine
Preordainments of all things before their creation as written in the Book of
Decrees - Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)”

[al-Qamar 54:49] 

It was narrated from
‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, defining faith: “It is to
believe in Allaah, His angels, His Books, His Messengers, the Last Day and
to believe in the divine decree, both good and bad.” Narrated by Muslim, 8. 

Everything that happens in the universe happens only by the
decree of Allaah, so the one who believes in al-qadar must believe that
Allaah knew all things before they happened, then He wrote that in al-Lawh
al-Mahfooz (the Book of Decrees), then He willed that they should be, then
He created them. These are the four well-known stages of al-qadar, and there
is evidence for each of these stages, as has already been explained in
detail in the answer to question no. 49004. 

Marriage and whether it comes sooner or later, or is easy or
difficult, is all subject to the decree of Allaah. This does not mean that
the Muslim should not avail himself of the means that Allaah has decreed as
the steps leading to it, and applying the means does not contradict the idea
that a thing has been decreed from eternity. Man does not know what has been
decreed for him, but he is enjoined to apply the means. 

The calamities that Allaah decrees for a person are good for
the believer if he bears them with patience and seeks reward for that, and
does not panic, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “How marvelous is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs
are good, and that does not apply to anyone except the believer. If
something good happens to him he gives thanks for it and that is good for
him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is
good for him.” Narrated by Muslim, 2999. 

These calamities may be a punishment for sin, but that is not
necessarily the case. They may come in order to raise the believer in status
and increase his reward if he is patient and content… or there may be other
great reasons behind it. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)
was asked: 

If a person is tested with sickness or a calamity that
strikes him or his wealth, how can he know whether that is a test or is a
sign of the wrath of Allaah? 

He replied: 

Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, tests His slaves
with good things and bad, with hardship and with ease. He may test them in
order to raise them in status and to increase their reward, as He did with
the Prophets and Messengers (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon them) and
the righteous slaves of Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “The people who are most severely tested are the
Prophets, then the next best and the next best.” Sometimes Allaah does that
because of sins, so the punishment is hastened, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of
what your hands have earned. And He pardons much”

[al-Shoora 42:30] 

Usually people fall short
and fail to fulfil their duties, so whatever befalls them is because of
their sins and shortcomings in obeying the commands of Allaah. If one of the
righteous slaves of Allaah is tested with sickness and the like, this is
akin to the testing of the Prophets and Messengers which raises them in
status and increases their reward, so that they may be examples to others of
patience and seeking reward. 

Conclusion: it may be a test in order to raise a person in
status and increase his reward, as Allaah does with the Prophets and some of
the elite, or it may be an expiation for sins, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“whosoever works evil, will have the recompense thereof”

[al-Nisa’ 4:123] 

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “No tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, distress or harm befalls
a believer in this world, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah
expiates some of his sins thereby.” 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“When Allaah wills good for a person, He afflicts him (with calamity so that
he may earn reward by bearing it with patience).” 

That may also be a punishment that has been hastened because
of sins and a failure to hasten to repent, as stated in the hadeeth in which
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When
Allaah wills good for a person, He hastens his punishment in this world, and
when He wills bad for a person, He withholds the (punishment) for his sins
from him until he comes to Him with that sin on the Day of Resurrection.”
Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi. End quote. 

Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat,
4/370 

As you refused to marry those who came and proposed to you,
for the sake of Allaah and because they are not adhering to Islam, Allaah
will compensate you with something better than them. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3] 

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allaah, may He be
glorified and exalted, but Allaah will compensate you with something that is
better for you than that.” Narrated by Imam Ahmad; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 47. 

You should turn to Allaah
with du’aa’ and acts of worship, and do not despair. Remember that the mercy
of Allaah is close to those who do good.

 And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A



 

Islam Question and Answer - Meeting one’s fiancée to discuss wedding details

Meeting one’s fiancée to discuss wedding details
I have proposed marriage to a girl and she and her wali (guardian) have accepted. Is it permissible for me to meet her in her house, in the presence of her mother and sisters but without her mahram, to discuss some of the details of the wedding and to decide on the mahr (dowry)?.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam allows the man to look at his fiancée and speak to her
about necessary matters to do with the marriage, and the man is encouraged
to look at his fiancée when thinking of proposing, because that will bring
their hearts closer together and generate the love and compassion that are
the aim of the marriage. 

It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he
proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “Look at her, for that will help bring your hearts
together.”  

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087); he said: this is a hasan
hadeeth. 

What it means is that it helps to create love and harmony
between you, because if you marry her after having gotten to know her, in
most cases there will be no regrets. 

See: Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi. 

There is no sin on you if you sit with your fiancée in order
to work out some details of the wedding, but you should not be alone with
her, so one of her mahrams or her mother should sit with you, and there is
nothing wrong with that in sha Allaah. 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked the
following question in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/429): 

I love a girl very much and she also loves me. I have seen
her only once, and I started to speak to her by phone within respectable
limits, and we agreed to get married. Most of my conversations with her have
to do with married life and the mutual understanding between spouses that is
necessary, and how a wife should treat her husband and look after his house,
and so on. Is it permissible for me to speak to her if she calls me, or is
that not permissible? 

He (may Allaah have mercy on him) replied: 

If a man wants to propose marriage to a woman, it is
permissible for him to speak with her and look at her without being alone.
When a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) to ask his opinion, he said: “Have you looked at her?” He said: No. He
said: “Go and look at her.” And he said: “When one of you proposes marriage
to a woman, if he can look at that which will encourage him to go ahead and
marry her, let him do so.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (1783). 

Looking is more serious than speaking, so if the conversation
has to do with the marriage and where they will live, and how married life
should be so that he will know whether she is familiar with these issues,
there is nothing wrong with that if he wants to propose marriage to her. But
if he does not want to propose marriage to her, then he has no right to do
that. So long as he wants to marry her, it is permissible for him to talk to
her about the engagement and about that which will encourage him to marry
her, and she may do likewise, so long as they are not alone together; rather
it should be done from a distance and in the presence of her father, brother
or mother etc. End quote. 

See also question no. 36807. 

And Allaah knows
best.

Islam Q&A



 

Islam Question and Answer - It is haraam for a man to be alone with his fiancée or kiss her

It is haraam for a man to be alone with his fiancée or kiss her
I hope that you can explain the following to me: does kissing the cheeks between an engaged couple mean that they must do the greater purification (ghusl)? What is the case if that is on the mouth?


 Does the latter invalidate wudoo’ in the case of a married couple?.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

A man and
his fiancée are not married, rather she is still a “stranger” (non-mahram)
to him until the marriage contract is completed. Based on this, it is not
permissible for him to be alone with her or to travel with her, or to touch
her or kiss her. No one should take this matter lightly, because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If one of you were
to be stabbed in the head with a needle of iron, that would be better for
him than touching a woman who is not permissible for him.” Narrated by
al-Tabaraani from the hadeeth of Ma’qil ibn Yasaar (may Allaah be pleased
with him); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami
(5045). 

Concerning
the ruling on touching one’s fiancée or being alone with her, al-Zayla’i
(may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It is not permissible for him to touch
her face or hands – even if there is no fear of desire – because she is
still haraam for him and there is no need for that. End quote from Radd
al-Muhtaar ‘ala al-Durr al-Mukhtaar (5/237). 

Ibn Qudaamah
said: It is not permissible for him to be alone with her because she is
still forbidden, and Islam does not allow anything but looking, so she
remains forbidden for him. And because if he is alone with her there is no
guarantee that something haraam will not happen. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a woman but the
Shaytaan is the third one present.” And he should not look at her with
pleasure and desire, or in a dubious manner. End quote. 

The
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against
being alone with a non-mahram woman, and said: “No man is alone with a woman
but the shaytaan is the third one present.” Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi
and al-Haakim; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’
(2546). 

Secondly: 

With regard
to the greater purification (ghusl) being required because of kissing, that
is not the case. Rather the greater purification is required if maniy
(semen) is emitted or if intercourse takes place. This has been discussed in
the answer to question no. 7529. 

Thirdly: 

With regard
to wudoo’ being broken by touching a woman, this has been discussed in
question no. 2178. 

And Allaah
knows best.

Islam Q&A

 

 

Islam Question and Answer - Her father refuses to marry her to this young man and she loves him



Her father refuses to marry her to this young man and she loves him
I have a problem and I hope you can help me. A young man of good character who is religiously committed came to propose marriage to me, and he is financially well off too, and to be frank, I love him. But my father refused for reasons that are not convincing; he says that he does not like the people of the city that this young man comes from! 


I prayed istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, but I do not know what to do. Please advise me, may Allaah reward you.

 

Praise be to Allaah.

Do not worry, every problem may be insignificant except a
problem concerning one’s religious commitment. May Allaah not cause our
problems to be concerning our religious commitment.  

The Muslim knows that this world is the arena of trials and
tests, and that when he accepts trials and tests and faces them with
patience and acceptance of the will and decree of Allaah, then they become
gifts for him from the Lord of the Worlds, which cause him to rise in status
and expiate his sins. 

Imam Ahmad (21833) and Abu Dawood (3090) narrated from Abu
Khaalid al-Sulami (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he went out to visit
one of his brothers, and he heard that he was sick. He entered upon him and
said: “I came as a visitor, to visit you in your sickness and bring glad
tidings.” 

He said: “How can you combine all of that?”  

He said: “I came out, intending to visit you, then I heard
that you were sick, so now I am visiting you in your sickness. And I give
you the glad tidings of something that I heard from the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “If Allaah
decrees that a person should reach a status that his deeds cannot help him
to reach, He tests him with regard to his physical health or his wealth or
his child, then He causes him to be patient until he reaches that status
that He has decreed for him.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
al-Saheehah (2599) on the basis of corroborating reports. 

You should note that Allaah has not prescribed for a Muslim
woman to arrange her own marriage, rather He has stipulated that her wali
(guardian) should be the one who arranges her marriage. He has prescribed
that out of mercy towards His slaves, so as protect their interests which
may be lost whenever people become negligent with regard to that. You must
have heard the stories of marriages based on that (love marriages) and how
their lives turned into distress and regret, if the marriage even survived. 

But we do not need to learn from experience in order to obey
the command of our Lord or to know the benefits, both spiritual and worldly,
that that brings to us. The role of the believer when faced with the command
of Allaah is to say “We hear and we obey.” See questions no.
2127 and
31119
for the conditions of the wali for marriage. 

What we advise you is not to insist on what you think is
right and do not let emotion sway you when making decisions. Do not look at
your problem alone, rather seek the help of a sincere and trustworthy family
member or relative, who knows you and him, and who is liked by your father
and whose opinion your father trusts. 

Then pray istikhaarah to Allaah and remember, when you ask
your Lord for guidance by praying istikhaarah, turning sincerely to Him and
expressing your need for His help and guidance, that Allaah decrees nothing
but good for His slave, whether His decree is in accordance with what you
like and want or not. For the believer’s affair is all good. So be content
with whatever Allaah decrees for you. 

You can also seek the help of someone who can convince your
father to let you marry the one you want, if his religious commitment and
character are as you describe. 

In order to benefit from that, you have to give your father
time to think, and so not try to force your father to make a decision too
soon. In other words, I do not advise you to insist too strongly on marrying
this suitor from the outset. Do not try to start an argument with your
father which may lead to him forbidding you and being harsh. Rather you
should only deal with him in a gentle manner, and give him the impression
that you accept his decision, such as saying, “You are my father and my
guardian, and you know what is in my best interests, so I hope that you will
think again,” and other such words that leave room for discussion. Do not
seek a hasty answer from your father. The longer it takes, the more likely
there will be a solution, in sha Allaah. 

But before and after all that, I think that you have the best
solution in sha Allaah, which is undoubtedly more beneficial than all that
we have mentioned above, and I do not think that it will fail. That is
turning to Allaah and making du’aa’. I do not mean only saying du’aa’, I
mean turning to Him and beseeching Him, asking Him for goodness, relief and
help. When Allaah sees that you are sincere in your du’aa’, He will give you
want you want, by His leave. How can it be otherwise when He is the Most
Kind, Most Generous? 

Although you are feeling so critical of your father and
regarding him as the one who is preventing you from marrying this man, we
would not like you to forget that the relationship between a man and a
non-mahram woman can only reach this degree of emotional attachment if there
has been a great deal of neglect concerning the sacred limits set by Allaah,
with regard to speaking, promising and looking. 

You have to fear Allaah in secret and in the open, and beware
of losing your religious commitment, which is the true calamity. A husband
may come and go, wealth may be acquired and lost, but all of that is
insignificant in comparison to losing your religious commitment. 

If either of you has done any such thing, then hasten to
repent from it. Allaah may be withholding your father’s acceptance until He
sees that you are both sincere in adhering to His Commands. Doesn’t Allaah
say in His Book: 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him.
Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure
for all things”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]? 

And Allaah knows best. 

For further advice and rulings on your problem, please refer
to questions no. 6398,
10196,
23420 and
36209.

Islam Q&A