Praise be to Allaah.
One of two scenarios must apply with regard to the suitor
whom you are rejecting:
1 – He actually does have bad characteristics.
2 – That is an illusion on your part, and is not actually the
If the former is true, then you have done well to reject him
and not accept him as a husband. No husband is fit for a woman except one
who is religiously committed and of good character; he is the one who can
guide her to do good and help her to obey her Lord, and raise her children
in the best manner.
But we must draw attention to something that is very
important, which is that it is not up to people to judge what is inside
people’s hearts, and no one is enjoined to do that. Even the Messenger of
Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have not
been commanded to check people’s hearts or split open their bellies (meaning
checking what is in their hidden thoughts).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4351)
and Muslim (1064).
As we are not enjoined to do that, how people appear
outwardly to be is sufficient for us. If someone appears to us to be good,
we trust him, and we judge him as he appears to be, and his case is up to
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Utbah said: I
heard ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may
Allaah be pleased with him) say: “People used to be judged by the wahy
(revelation) at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), but now the wahy has ceased. Now we will judge you
according to what we see of your outward deeds. Whoever appears good to us,
we will trust him and draw close to him, and what is in his heart has
nothing to do with us. Allaah will call him to account for what is in his
heart. And whoever appears bad to us, we will not trust him and we will not
believe him, even if he says that inwardly he is good.” Narrated by
Soon, if you examine people and try to find out how they are
inside, no one will be good enough for you. Look at yourself first: are you
free of the things that you look for in others?
It was narrated that Mu’aawiyah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) say: “If you seek out people’s faults you will soon
corrupt them or almost corrupt them.”
Abu’l-Darda’ said: A word that Mu’aawiyah heard from the
Messenger of Allaah by which Allaah benefited him.
Narrated by Abu Dawood (4888) and classed as saheeh by
Al-Manaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Because
people indulge in gossip and may accuse others of something that has no
Seeking out suspected faults may lead to the very faults that
he wants to remove.
To sum up: The Lawgiver seeks to conceal wherever possible.
Fayd al-Qadeer (1/559).
So our advice to you, and to all our sisters who are looking
for a suitable husband, is that the woman should not be so strict in the
conditions that should be met by the husband with regard to character and
religious commitment, for two reasons:
1 – She may not herself have the level of religious
commitment and beauty that would make men who are of good character and
religious commitment seek her out and propose to her. In that case there is
no justification for her refusal, because it may be impossible or very
difficult for the one who she imagines to come and seek her as a wife. She
should pay attention to this matter because it is important.
2 – People vary in their character and level of religious
commitment. If there comes to her one who is of good character and
religiously committed, she should realize that there are some who are better
then him and others to whom he is superior. Hence she should accept one who
is god enough to be her husband and help her to keep chaste and direct her
to that which is good.
If the latter is the case, then it is more likely that it is
caused by destructive envy (hasad) or witchcraft. This kind of witchcraft is
called sihr al-ta’teel. You can find out if this is the case if the one who
proposed marriage is of good character and religiously committed, and has no
faults, and you accept him and he accepts you, but then nothing happens, or
you reject him for no apparent reason.
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Jibreen (may Allaah
preserve him) said:
As for witchcraft that prevents marriage: women often
complain of sihr al-ta’teel, as marriage does not happen even though the
conditions are met and there are no impediments. Suitors may come and be
accepted, but then they go away without anything being achieved. Undoubtedly
this is due to a reason caused by some enviers to prevent the marriage from
being completed, to the extent that some girls remain without marriage and
if the marriage does go ahead in some cases, there happens something to
prevent the couple from getting along and having a happy life.
Al-Sawaa’iq al-Mursalah fi Tasaddi li’l-Musha’widheena
wa’l-Sahrah (p. 175).
The solution in both cases is easy, in sha Allaah. If it is
the matter of you being too strict about the qualities that you want in a
husband, then you should realize that the solution to this problem is to
accept a husband who has the qualities of manliness, love of good and
religious commitment that prevent him from doing haraam things. People vary
in this, so accept the one who is commended to you by a sincere and
trustworthy advisor who is a good and religiously committed person, and
knows your situation and that of the suitor. Perhaps Allaah will cause him
to be good for you.
If you have been afflicted with the evil eye or a spell has
been worked against you, the solution lies in dealing with it in the ways
prescribed in sharee’ah, which we have explained in the answers to question
There is no need to look for people to undo the spell;
reciting Qur’aan and ruqyahs is something that you can do by yourself. If
you are not able to do that, then look for a sister whose religious
commitment you trust to do that for you, and try to keep away from men.
We ask Allaah to help you to do all that is good, and we ask
Him to make you steadfast in adhering to His religion, and to bless you with
a righteous husband.
And Allaah knows best.