I prayed istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, but I do not know what to do. Please advise me, may Allaah reward you.
Praise be to Allaah.
Do not worry, every problem may be insignificant except a
problem concerning one’s religious commitment. May Allaah not cause our
problems to be concerning our religious commitment.
The Muslim knows that this world is the arena of trials and
tests, and that when he accepts trials and tests and faces them with
patience and acceptance of the will and decree of Allaah, then they become
gifts for him from the Lord of the Worlds, which cause him to rise in status
and expiate his sins.
Imam Ahmad (21833) and Abu Dawood (3090) narrated from Abu
Khaalid al-Sulami (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he went out to visit
one of his brothers, and he heard that he was sick. He entered upon him and
said: “I came as a visitor, to visit you in your sickness and bring glad
tidings.”
He said: “How can you combine all of that?”
He said: “I came out, intending to visit you, then I heard
that you were sick, so now I am visiting you in your sickness. And I give
you the glad tidings of something that I heard from the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “If Allaah
decrees that a person should reach a status that his deeds cannot help him
to reach, He tests him with regard to his physical health or his wealth or
his child, then He causes him to be patient until he reaches that status
that He has decreed for him.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
al-Saheehah (2599) on the basis of corroborating reports.
You should note that Allaah has not prescribed for a Muslim
woman to arrange her own marriage, rather He has stipulated that her wali
(guardian) should be the one who arranges her marriage. He has prescribed
that out of mercy towards His slaves, so as protect their interests which
may be lost whenever people become negligent with regard to that. You must
have heard the stories of marriages based on that (love marriages) and how
their lives turned into distress and regret, if the marriage even survived.
But we do not need to learn from experience in order to obey
the command of our Lord or to know the benefits, both spiritual and worldly,
that that brings to us. The role of the believer when faced with the command
of Allaah is to say “We hear and we obey.” See questions no.
2127 and
31119
for the conditions of the wali for marriage.
What we advise you is not to insist on what you think is
right and do not let emotion sway you when making decisions. Do not look at
your problem alone, rather seek the help of a sincere and trustworthy family
member or relative, who knows you and him, and who is liked by your father
and whose opinion your father trusts.
Then pray istikhaarah to Allaah and remember, when you ask
your Lord for guidance by praying istikhaarah, turning sincerely to Him and
expressing your need for His help and guidance, that Allaah decrees nothing
but good for His slave, whether His decree is in accordance with what you
like and want or not. For the believer’s affair is all good. So be content
with whatever Allaah decrees for you.
You can also seek the help of someone who can convince your
father to let you marry the one you want, if his religious commitment and
character are as you describe.
In order to benefit from that, you have to give your father
time to think, and so not try to force your father to make a decision too
soon. In other words, I do not advise you to insist too strongly on marrying
this suitor from the outset. Do not try to start an argument with your
father which may lead to him forbidding you and being harsh. Rather you
should only deal with him in a gentle manner, and give him the impression
that you accept his decision, such as saying, “You are my father and my
guardian, and you know what is in my best interests, so I hope that you will
think again,” and other such words that leave room for discussion. Do not
seek a hasty answer from your father. The longer it takes, the more likely
there will be a solution, in sha Allaah.
But before and after all that, I think that you have the best
solution in sha Allaah, which is undoubtedly more beneficial than all that
we have mentioned above, and I do not think that it will fail. That is
turning to Allaah and making du’aa’. I do not mean only saying du’aa’, I
mean turning to Him and beseeching Him, asking Him for goodness, relief and
help. When Allaah sees that you are sincere in your du’aa’, He will give you
want you want, by His leave. How can it be otherwise when He is the Most
Kind, Most Generous?
Although you are feeling so critical of your father and
regarding him as the one who is preventing you from marrying this man, we
would not like you to forget that the relationship between a man and a
non-mahram woman can only reach this degree of emotional attachment if there
has been a great deal of neglect concerning the sacred limits set by Allaah,
with regard to speaking, promising and looking.
You have to fear Allaah in secret and in the open, and beware
of losing your religious commitment, which is the true calamity. A husband
may come and go, wealth may be acquired and lost, but all of that is
insignificant in comparison to losing your religious commitment.
If either of you has done any such thing, then hasten to
repent from it. Allaah may be withholding your father’s acceptance until He
sees that you are both sincere in adhering to His Commands. Doesn’t Allaah
say in His Book:
“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).
3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him.
Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure
for all things”
[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]?
And Allaah knows best.
For further advice and rulings on your problem, please refer
to questions no. 6398,
10196,
23420 and
36209.
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